Blueprint to Happiness: Finding Happiness Through Friendship

Aristotle believed that friendship is a reflection of one’s own virtues. Also, that our happiness depends on the cultivation of virtue. Ever notice in more ways than one that our close friends have similar values and ways of doing things. This has something to do with us unconsciously seeking friends whom we deem as a good person. “Happiness depends on ourselves” according to www.pursuit-of-happiness.org under the philosophy of Aristotle, and “having good friends is a core value of gaining happiness for ourselves” he also mentions.

Friends that we have a reciprocated relationship with will never last because friendship is not about doing something for another person so in turn they can do for you. That kind of thinking is all wrong. Aristotle also mentions that happiness cannot be gained or lost in a few hours. That happiness that you may feel for about an hour after you and a friend have reciprocated each other’s skills for beneficial reasons will not last.

 If you think really hard about why your friends are important to you? You will see that the answer varies because that friend that you treasure most you love unconditionally for many reasons. Relationships or friendships can be described as feelings, emotions or a state of independent reason, but what will never change within you is your core self. Your core self gathers our deepest and most stable characteristics and use those as the principles we live with. In fact, both Wilson the evolutionist that wrote the book Humans In the Environment and the book happier by Ben-Shahar  would both believe that moral and altruistic acts cannot be developed from reasons such as gain or pleasure or in other words in a relationship where you scratch my back and I scratch yours.

In Aristotle’s own words he says “people who value honor will likely seek out either flattery or those who have more power than they do, in order that they may gain through these relationships,” written in a short reading called “Parallels Between the Science of Happiness and the Philosophy of Friendship”  by Aristotle. If you compare that same quote to that of this quote “on the surface we appear to be separate and independent. Yet under the surface we are linked together. Thus your happiness is inseparably linked to the happiness you create for others” found in the reading called “The Philosophical Basis of caring, Compassion, and Interdependence” found on www.pursuit-of-happiness.org you will see that both readings are agreeing that happiness comes from what you make of it but it should ultimately not be found through using others or staying to ourselves. Instead, we must help one another and build relationships that will last a life time because then we will truly understand ourselves.

Blueprint to Happiness: Compassion & Gratitude Letters

Compassion is an amazing act that creates the kind caring people that we are. Someone may be suffering deeply inside and may not show it on the outside but by simply showing kindness, you are showing compassion to that person you may not of even known was suffering. Compassing equals the understanding of one’s suffering and then the act of helping that person in need. It does not matter who you are nor where you are in the world we must all show compassion in order to determine our humanity, and to help better understand our own existence.

In kind and collative acts we find out more about ourselves and what makes us happy. Have you ever bought the person’s meal that was in front or behind you in line? Have you ever stayed with a friend who was going through a tough time even though she said she did not want anyone around? Have you ever just cracked a joke to lighten up the sadness in a room? These are all simple and small acts of kindness but to each and every individual who has done such selfless acts know the tremendous happiness after completing such an act. I am not saying of course to change who you are, but instead to be more aware of others feelings and to have compassion because you don’t know what situations others may also be struggling with.

Based on the reading “The Philosophical Basis of Caring, Compassion, and Interdependence” found on www.pursuit-of-happiness.org it states that compassion is found within Buddhists, Confucius and Taoists teachings even though they clash. This finding shows the importance of compassion and that if so many believe that this act can help us as individuals do great things as well as open our minds more to “mindfulness” then why not give this virtue a try to see the change in yourself, to prove if it does have a significant meaning in human development or growth. According to the same source, “on the surface, we appear to be separate and independent. Yet under the surface we are linked together. Thus your happiness is inseparably linked to the happiness you create for others” this statement could not have been said better because there are many truths to it. For example, many of us come from different backgrounds, religions and races and all this can be told from the outside, however we all are humans, we work the same way and feel the same things on the inside so there is no reason to treat others differently when on the inside we are the same. In addition, when one person is happy and shares that happiness with those around him then it is like a chain effect where others can’t help but smile or laugh due to how cheerful or silly that individual is.

Gratitude letters, what are they exactly? Gratitude letters is a source of writing down your feelings in a letter format to give to someone you treasure for always being there for you. The outcome is one you will never believe. Who would have ever thought that gratitude really works that it is like magical fairy dust that once sprinkled, it lights up the whole room in rainbow colors. The effects of gratitude letters are amazing and it feels like your whole existence has reached this bright place where you never want to close your eyes in darkness again. If you will like to know more about gratitude letters, log onto Youtube.com and look up “the science of happiness,” there you will find a video about an experiment done on gratitude letters. The results were a 19 percent increase in happiness for the individuals that shared their gratitude letters. Also, from the video you can see what a gratitude letter consists of, as well as why it is a big deal in ones happiness. So log on and find out because you owe it to yourself to find happiness.

Blueprint to Happiness: Buddha’s Teachings

Buddha teaches us that it is most important to train the mind not to dwell in the past or the future and instead live for now. If today we are too worried about tomorrow and tomorrow’s events then today would have just passed us by with no regard. Overall, that is one less day or fewer steps in accomplishing a goal. Buddhism makes us question life and our very existence in it. Were we placed here to understand suffering or to know happiness? Maybe both are included within our journeys. Whichever spectrum we start at or end at the main goal is Nirvana.

           

Dukkha is a concept that refers to craving. It can be eliminated but of course that is easier said than done. Once dukkha is eliminated you have reached the Eightfold Path. However, just before reaching the Eightfold Path the mind goes through a period of searching and through mindfulness and extreme forms of self denial during the stage of the “Middle Path.” Look at this stage as the barrier towards your inner most sacred place in your mind. “We are all addicts in some way is what Buddha would say” said religion scholar Dr. Kuranz. It is overcoming that addictive want and need to see your true self freed from all desires is the goal.

           

There are then three categories within the Eightfold Path: wisdom, ethical conduct, and mental cultivation. Each category has multiple elements within them that need to be reached, which is one’s systematic way out of ignorance. Tranquility and insight are two elements needed to reach Nirvana, which cannot be reached before four more stages of deeper concentration. It may seem like a long cycle of stages but that is because much thought it needed to cancel out all sensations including bliss.

 

“I am your doctor, I have your medicine” said Dr. Kuranz, when she was referring to how Buddha would go about helping others.

 

A funny way indeed in describing Buddha’s approach in persuading others to find happiness, however he had reached a peace of mind and a deeper sense of happiness that no one else was able to reach. He knew the secret and was willing to pass his teachings on to others. Buddha himself said “happiness starts from an understanding of the root causes of suffering” according to the website www.pursuit-of-happiness.org and he had to teach others the importance of understanding that suffering to help them get onto the right path headed for a long journey of discovery.

Blueprint to Happiness: What Is Happiness?

The Definition of happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. That is the Google definition of the word, but my real question is what is happiness? If none of these words in its definition existed or in simpler terms, what would happiness be without words? If one couldn’t express with his/her words how happy they were does that mean that it is false happiness? If one could not physically show how happy they were does that also mean they are not happy? Maybe just maybe, one who has never learned about happiness could never be happy. Below are exact quotes from the three pioneers of the science of happiness and what they believed happiness to be:

 

Abraham Maslow

““Human life will never be understood unless its highest aspirations are taken into account. Growth, self-actualization, the striving toward health, the quest for identity and autonomy, the yearning for excellence (and other ways of phrasing the striving “upward”) must by now be accepted beyond question as a widespread and perhaps universal human tendency…”” according to www.pursuit-of-happiness.org.

 

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

““The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times… The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile,”” according to www.pursuit-of-happiness.org.

 

Martin Seligman

““The very good news is there is quite a number of internal circumstances [...] under your voluntary control. If you decide to change them (and be warned that none of these changes come without real effort), your level of happiness is likely to increase lastingly,”” according to www.pursuit-of-happiness.org.

 

            Now compare what our three pioneers of the science of happiness had to say about the topic of happiness to that of the thoughts of the students from the University of Bridgeport on the same topic. At first, when the students from The University of Bridgeport were asked the question what is happiness? There was a long silence, almost as though it was an extremely difficult question. Some responded “I’m not sure” and needed to take another second to think, and some knew right away and responded immediately. These are the exact quotes given by the students:

 

“Being more than satisfied with what you are doing and getting a sense of joy and having gratification in the things you love” said Jovan Reyes, senior and criminal justice major.

 

“Loving yourself and finding true love” said Sabreen Abdullah, senior and biology major.

 

“Happiness is like air, you need it to breed” said Karen Rincon, senior and English major.

 

“Happiness is being able to wake up to another day of struggle with a smile on your face and love in your heart” said Danny Torres, senior and business major.

 

            Overall the students spoken to smiled when they spoke on the subject of happiness almost as though they were remembering happy moments at the same time of coming up with an answer to What is happiness? However, the fact is that these students understand exactly what the three pioneers of the science of happiness were trying to accomplish based on their answers and that is understanding human potential and its great heights as will as its great depressions.