Blueprint to Happiness: Finding Happiness Through Friendship

Aristotle believed that friendship is a reflection of one’s own virtues. Also, that our happiness depends on the cultivation of virtue. Ever notice in more ways than one that our close friends have similar values and ways of doing things. This has something to do with us unconsciously seeking friends whom we deem as a good person. “Happiness depends on ourselves” according to www.pursuit-of-happiness.org under the philosophy of Aristotle, and “having good friends is a core value of gaining happiness for ourselves” he also mentions.

Friends that we have a reciprocated relationship with will never last because friendship is not about doing something for another person so in turn they can do for you. That kind of thinking is all wrong. Aristotle also mentions that happiness cannot be gained or lost in a few hours. That happiness that you may feel for about an hour after you and a friend have reciprocated each other’s skills for beneficial reasons will not last.

 If you think really hard about why your friends are important to you? You will see that the answer varies because that friend that you treasure most you love unconditionally for many reasons. Relationships or friendships can be described as feelings, emotions or a state of independent reason, but what will never change within you is your core self. Your core self gathers our deepest and most stable characteristics and use those as the principles we live with. In fact, both Wilson the evolutionist that wrote the book Humans In the Environment and the book happier by Ben-Shahar  would both believe that moral and altruistic acts cannot be developed from reasons such as gain or pleasure or in other words in a relationship where you scratch my back and I scratch yours.

In Aristotle’s own words he says “people who value honor will likely seek out either flattery or those who have more power than they do, in order that they may gain through these relationships,” written in a short reading called “Parallels Between the Science of Happiness and the Philosophy of Friendship”  by Aristotle. If you compare that same quote to that of this quote “on the surface we appear to be separate and independent. Yet under the surface we are linked together. Thus your happiness is inseparably linked to the happiness you create for others” found in the reading called “The Philosophical Basis of caring, Compassion, and Interdependence” found on www.pursuit-of-happiness.org you will see that both readings are agreeing that happiness comes from what you make of it but it should ultimately not be found through using others or staying to ourselves. Instead, we must help one another and build relationships that will last a life time because then we will truly understand ourselves.

Blueprint to Happiness: Compassion & Gratitude Letters

Compassion is an amazing act that creates the kind caring people that we are. Someone may be suffering deeply inside and may not show it on the outside but by simply showing kindness, you are showing compassion to that person you may not of even known was suffering. Compassing equals the understanding of one’s suffering and then the act of helping that person in need. It does not matter who you are nor where you are in the world we must all show compassion in order to determine our humanity, and to help better understand our own existence.

In kind and collative acts we find out more about ourselves and what makes us happy. Have you ever bought the person’s meal that was in front or behind you in line? Have you ever stayed with a friend who was going through a tough time even though she said she did not want anyone around? Have you ever just cracked a joke to lighten up the sadness in a room? These are all simple and small acts of kindness but to each and every individual who has done such selfless acts know the tremendous happiness after completing such an act. I am not saying of course to change who you are, but instead to be more aware of others feelings and to have compassion because you don’t know what situations others may also be struggling with.

Based on the reading “The Philosophical Basis of Caring, Compassion, and Interdependence” found on www.pursuit-of-happiness.org it states that compassion is found within Buddhists, Confucius and Taoists teachings even though they clash. This finding shows the importance of compassion and that if so many believe that this act can help us as individuals do great things as well as open our minds more to “mindfulness” then why not give this virtue a try to see the change in yourself, to prove if it does have a significant meaning in human development or growth. According to the same source, “on the surface, we appear to be separate and independent. Yet under the surface we are linked together. Thus your happiness is inseparably linked to the happiness you create for others” this statement could not have been said better because there are many truths to it. For example, many of us come from different backgrounds, religions and races and all this can be told from the outside, however we all are humans, we work the same way and feel the same things on the inside so there is no reason to treat others differently when on the inside we are the same. In addition, when one person is happy and shares that happiness with those around him then it is like a chain effect where others can’t help but smile or laugh due to how cheerful or silly that individual is.

Gratitude letters, what are they exactly? Gratitude letters is a source of writing down your feelings in a letter format to give to someone you treasure for always being there for you. The outcome is one you will never believe. Who would have ever thought that gratitude really works that it is like magical fairy dust that once sprinkled, it lights up the whole room in rainbow colors. The effects of gratitude letters are amazing and it feels like your whole existence has reached this bright place where you never want to close your eyes in darkness again. If you will like to know more about gratitude letters, log onto Youtube.com and look up “the science of happiness,” there you will find a video about an experiment done on gratitude letters. The results were a 19 percent increase in happiness for the individuals that shared their gratitude letters. Also, from the video you can see what a gratitude letter consists of, as well as why it is a big deal in ones happiness. So log on and find out because you owe it to yourself to find happiness.

Blueprint to Happiness: Buddha’s Teachings

Buddha teaches us that it is most important to train the mind not to dwell in the past or the future and instead live for now. If today we are too worried about tomorrow and tomorrow’s events then today would have just passed us by with no regard. Overall, that is one less day or fewer steps in accomplishing a goal. Buddhism makes us question life and our very existence in it. Were we placed here to understand suffering or to know happiness? Maybe both are included within our journeys. Whichever spectrum we start at or end at the main goal is Nirvana.

           

Dukkha is a concept that refers to craving. It can be eliminated but of course that is easier said than done. Once dukkha is eliminated you have reached the Eightfold Path. However, just before reaching the Eightfold Path the mind goes through a period of searching and through mindfulness and extreme forms of self denial during the stage of the “Middle Path.” Look at this stage as the barrier towards your inner most sacred place in your mind. “We are all addicts in some way is what Buddha would say” said religion scholar Dr. Kuranz. It is overcoming that addictive want and need to see your true self freed from all desires is the goal.

           

There are then three categories within the Eightfold Path: wisdom, ethical conduct, and mental cultivation. Each category has multiple elements within them that need to be reached, which is one’s systematic way out of ignorance. Tranquility and insight are two elements needed to reach Nirvana, which cannot be reached before four more stages of deeper concentration. It may seem like a long cycle of stages but that is because much thought it needed to cancel out all sensations including bliss.

 

“I am your doctor, I have your medicine” said Dr. Kuranz, when she was referring to how Buddha would go about helping others.

 

A funny way indeed in describing Buddha’s approach in persuading others to find happiness, however he had reached a peace of mind and a deeper sense of happiness that no one else was able to reach. He knew the secret and was willing to pass his teachings on to others. Buddha himself said “happiness starts from an understanding of the root causes of suffering” according to the website www.pursuit-of-happiness.org and he had to teach others the importance of understanding that suffering to help them get onto the right path headed for a long journey of discovery.

Blueprint to Happiness: What Is Happiness?

The Definition of happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. That is the Google definition of the word, but my real question is what is happiness? If none of these words in its definition existed or in simpler terms, what would happiness be without words? If one couldn’t express with his/her words how happy they were does that mean that it is false happiness? If one could not physically show how happy they were does that also mean they are not happy? Maybe just maybe, one who has never learned about happiness could never be happy. Below are exact quotes from the three pioneers of the science of happiness and what they believed happiness to be:

 

Abraham Maslow

““Human life will never be understood unless its highest aspirations are taken into account. Growth, self-actualization, the striving toward health, the quest for identity and autonomy, the yearning for excellence (and other ways of phrasing the striving “upward”) must by now be accepted beyond question as a widespread and perhaps universal human tendency…”” according to www.pursuit-of-happiness.org.

 

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

““The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times… The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile,”” according to www.pursuit-of-happiness.org.

 

Martin Seligman

““The very good news is there is quite a number of internal circumstances [...] under your voluntary control. If you decide to change them (and be warned that none of these changes come without real effort), your level of happiness is likely to increase lastingly,”” according to www.pursuit-of-happiness.org.

 

            Now compare what our three pioneers of the science of happiness had to say about the topic of happiness to that of the thoughts of the students from the University of Bridgeport on the same topic. At first, when the students from The University of Bridgeport were asked the question what is happiness? There was a long silence, almost as though it was an extremely difficult question. Some responded “I’m not sure” and needed to take another second to think, and some knew right away and responded immediately. These are the exact quotes given by the students:

 

“Being more than satisfied with what you are doing and getting a sense of joy and having gratification in the things you love” said Jovan Reyes, senior and criminal justice major.

 

“Loving yourself and finding true love” said Sabreen Abdullah, senior and biology major.

 

“Happiness is like air, you need it to breed” said Karen Rincon, senior and English major.

 

“Happiness is being able to wake up to another day of struggle with a smile on your face and love in your heart” said Danny Torres, senior and business major.

 

            Overall the students spoken to smiled when they spoke on the subject of happiness almost as though they were remembering happy moments at the same time of coming up with an answer to What is happiness? However, the fact is that these students understand exactly what the three pioneers of the science of happiness were trying to accomplish based on their answers and that is understanding human potential and its great heights as will as its great depressions.

Are Interracial Marriages A New Trend?

When it comes to marriages, who would you prefer to marry? A hot hunk of a guy with a beautiful tan, exotic looks and an awesome personality to match or an average person you see roaming the streets of your town doing the same things you find yourself doing. “Okay,” I might have been a little unfair in the options to choose from, but really, would you pick a socio-economic match or something that has genuine love that you feel can last a lifetime.

“Some may worry about the measure of a person’s income, education, social class, profession and much more. This way of thinking is a thing of the past; today people are making connections with others who are from different races and ethnicities,” said Malissa Wong, a culturally diverse individual herself from Guyana who is now currently married to an Italian American.

In 2008, a study was carried out about whether crossing racial boundaries increases the risk of divorce. It was proven that most interracial marriages only last up to 10 years. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, interracial marriages increased to 2,340,000 in 2008 compared to 310,000 in 1970. America is seen as the “melting pot” of cultures because of the diversity among cultures, religions and ethnicities. Also, with social networking at its highest, communication has become easier, thus creating a simpler way for people all over the world to get to know each other.

A faster, easier way of connecting with people is one of the reasons why adaptation to a interracial lifestyle through marriage has become a trend in 2012. For example, take a look at these successful interrical marriages among these celebreties: Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom, Paula Patton and Robin ThickeTaye Diggs and Indina Menzel. They are all in interracial marriages and the negative of all of this is they will not have equal acceptance everywhere they go, their difference in appearance between each other may attract unnecessary attention, and there may be some clashing when it comes to their unique values and beliefs.

One example of an interrical marriage gone wrong is Heidi Klum and Seal who filed for divorce because of “irreconcilable differences,” after seven years of marriage. Together they have four children: Leni, 7 (Klum’s daughter from a previous relationship), Henry, 6; Johan, 5 and Lou, 2. This is just one example of an interracial marriage that ended in divorce. People need to connect on more than one level in an interracial relationship and realize that they are being provided an opportunity to explore not only socio-economic levels but cultural aspects as well, which often makes for a colorful bond.

My Inspiration (Jessica Rivera)

Life is something that cannot be enjoyed unless you can appreciate the beautiful environment as well as making connections with people of similar interest. The environment and mood in which you meet a person can determine making or breaking your relationship with that person. I remember the first time I met the 17- year- old Jessica Rivera, an extremely loving person that cares more for the life that surrounds her, including the life of tiny bugs, plants and animals.


I appreciate the things life has to offer, even the worst of days I try to see the positive. However, I started to get into the habit of doing environmentally friendly things after meeting Jessica. At the time, she was involved in multiple things: teaching children how to play soccer, community service at Margaret Tietz Nursing and Rehabilitation Center, planting trees every year in Central Park and even knitting in her free time.

One project I got involved with on Earth Day in April 2010 with Jessica was planting trees in Central Park. She showed me the steps it takes to transfer a small plant safely from one location to another. This was my first time doing something that had so much value to me. Sharing the experience with a friend, who I’m still close with two years later, shows that it helped us connect with each other better on a personal level.

I observed how delicately she handled each plant, lightly freeing them from any dust that collected on their leaves. She picked spots that had no other plants around in order to give the newly planted tree space to grow. She logically had everything figured out and in her eyes I could see that the work she was completing made her happy. I was extremely enticed by this teenage girl that was only a year younger than I was at the time. She encouraged me to write all my feelings down on paper. Sharing what I wrote afterwards was one of the hardest challenges. I eventually became comfortable with doing that when I built up enough confidence in my writing.

From that moment on, we became the best of friends. I felt such a freedom with Jessica in our daily walks in the park and visits to exhibits that I created a blog entitled “Life Is A Story To Be Told”, which housed all the poetry I wrote. Today, this blog has changed into so much more-- the title still remains the same, but it has developed into a masterpiece of my viewpoints of the world. The common topics I discuss in my blog posts can easily deviate and share connections with other topics you would never think of. The simple things found in life helped me develop as a person and realize that seeking answers and asking questions is not a bad quality at all. Furthermore, being open minded in the things we do today can open a door to new opportunities for us tomorrow. I would like to thank my best friend Jessica Rivera for showing me the path to writing by helping me discover myself through the things I wrote.

Birth Control: A Fairy Tale Gone Wrong

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has announced free distribution of birth control pills. These plans are put in place by Insurance companies using government funding to cover women’s health costs for birth control pills; something that would otherwise be paid out of pocket. Are you the reader wondering the same question: Can easier access to birth control pills promote better health for women? I appreciate the effort the government is making to help women out with such an expensive necessity, but are they going about the plans for this new health care act positively and not just doing something to make themselves seem like they care for the people?


Our teenagers today are the ones who pick up on the latest trends and fashions which has me extremely worried about what will come of our future generation’s health. Will birth control be the next trend? What is going on with the world? Have mothers forgotten the long conversations with their daughters about waiting until marriage? I personally remember the fairytales about the princes and princesses that in the end fall in love and live happily-ever-after. Looking at the influences that such fairytales may have on us females, it is not hard to figure out that a good portion of our lives will be dedicated to finding that special person. No matter the least unexpected places where you may meet that person, it all comes down to that blast of excitement knowing that this guy might be the one that keeps the soul happy that women want. Are we too caught up with the physical aspects of a relationship that we forget about who the person is inside? Since when did sex become priority number one in a relationship? The bottom line is that mom means well when she stresses the idea of waiting until marriage.

The whole controversy behind birth control is that it is too accessible and the only logical idea of the reasons why so many women use the pill is because they are not aware of the life threatening risks. Since the introduction of the pill there has been an influx of women’s diseases and maladies like never before in the history of medicine. The pill contains two types of synthetic hormones: chemically altered estrogens and progestins much like the hormones made by a woman’s ovaries. PMS or premenstrual syndrome had been discovered only about 10 years ago and the problem is caused by the culprit, birth control pills. Why birth control pills? To the body, the pill is a foreign and toxic chemical from unnatural substances. The progestin chemical in particular causes the ovaries to shut down production of natural progesterone and causes overflooding of a synthetic variation of estrogen and progestin. When the estrogen levels are disrupted and skyrocket this is when diseases and illnesses can be formed.

Fairytale or not, birth control pills, as well as excessive use of them will not make a woman’s life any less complicated than it already is. Instead, women should treasure their lives free of worry about illnesses that could have been prevented with closer attention to the things we are putting in our bodies.